Separating your critics from your cheerleaders when you’re unemployed. 

Anne McCluskey, Employemnt Counselor, Job Search Strategies Wham! You just got the bad news. You’re unemployed.  There may be a tiny piece of you that is secretly relieved to be out of that workplace, but the fact remains you have no job.  Sometimes this may be the push you need to move towards a career you’d really love. If this is true for you, this is a defining moment; you can expect it to be both scary and quite possibly exhilarating at the same time.

For those of you who have already found your niche, but this job just didn’t work out, take heart. In our business we know it’s hard for clients to see possibilities and stay positive, but you will find work!  Sometimes this does involve changing your expectations, but frequently, clients get back to us with the great news that they’ve landed in a wonderful new spot.

Whether your job loss leads you into new, uncharted territory or back to similar work you know well, you’re going to need a pit crew along the way. We often speak of the roller coaster ride of unemployment, and during those times when you’re in the pits, the support of family and friends can save the day.

Sadly, I have met many clients who did not feel supported by family members, even well-meaning loved ones. It’s hard to know in a crunch who will be your cheerleaders and who will be your critics until the time comes, and even then you might be surprised. 

While you are out of work, I’m certain you’ll recognize who is on your side and who is pulling you down.  If you can, try to minimize the time you spend discussing your employment situation with the people who innocently make hurtful statements like “are you still unemployed?” or  “gee…with all your experience you should have a job by now”.  Usually, they do care….they are just unaware of the negative power of their words on your morale.

You can also try to educate them with an assertive statement like the following: “Aunt Cathy, I need your help….I know you care about me and want me to find a good job, but when you regularly ask me ‘are you still unemployed?’,  it brings me down and makes it even harder for me to keep positive, which I need right now.  What I’d really like is for you to be part of my active network. Tell me if you know of anyone in my field I could talk to about leads, and keep me in mind if you hear of anything that might interest me. For my part, I’ll be sure to get back to you with any news. That way, you won’t have to keep asking me, plus you’d be doing me a huge favour, and I’ll look forward to hearing from you.” 

In assertiveness training, these are called D.E.S.C. scripts:  Describe the situation.  Express how you feel. Suggest what you would prefer. And finally, name the positive Consequences for both of you, if the change is made.

Unemployment can be tough enough to face without the extra stress of relatives or friends who hurt more than they help. This is an important concept. Employers look for a positive attitude when hiring. We’ve heard directly from London employers that they will choose a slightly less experienced worker with an amazing attitude, over a more highly qualified person who lacks enthusiasm. You can’t teach attitude!

With some careful planning and practice, you can develop statements to help deflect those unintentional jibes. Check your local library branch for books on assertiveness. You’ll find excellent resources there. Then ask a trusted friend to role-play with you for practice.

You need to do everything in your power to surround yourself with positive people and motivational materials, and to engage in recreational activities that help “re-create” you, so that you present positively in your active job search.  Checking in more often with your cheerleaders, and guiding your critics to know better how to help you is like a stress inoculation or vaccine that will help move you more quickly towards gainful employment. 

Please note:  JSS has closed May 2010

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